Thursday, November 6, 2014

Blog Tour: The Morbid and Sultry Tales of Genevieve Clare by J.B. Hartnett

The Morbid and Sultry Tales of Genevieve Clare is LIVE!
Meet Genevieve and Ahren in this dark and sultry tale of love loss!
 

My name is Genevieve Clare, professional mourner, destined to spend my days donning a black suit and throwing myself on top of caskets for money. Sometimes I mixed it up and threw myself on top of a willing warm body instead. Finding the right warm body though, that was a different story.


Barnes & Noble: http://bit.ly/1tDidmS



I approached Bryce Oskin, with caution, and when I reached his side, he demanded, “Who the fuck are you?”
Charm and disarm. Charm and disarm.
“I’m Genevieve Clare, Mr. Oskin,” I said with a grin. “I believe you hired me to come to your funeral? Mind if I join you?” I brought my own bag of goodies and opened a white baker’s box from Brewster’s.
“You some kind of spooky chick?” he asked, his eyes squinting as he studied me.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was… sweet on me already. “Kinda, yeah. If by spooky you mean I get paid to go to funerals, give people a nudge, and check for a heartbeat. Oh, and I live at Eden Hills. Then yeah, I’m spooky.” I grabbed a plastic fork and took a bite of amazing cake. It was always amazing, but today it seemed more amazing than usual.
“There,” I nodded toward the folder I’d set down on a little table to his side. “I just need you to sign on the dotted line. And the bag there is from Ruby. But I’m taking over the goody-bag duties, so tell me what you like and I’ll get it for you.” I licked my lips and did it seductively because I knew this was a man who appreciated a woman. Also known as a dirty old man. “Want a bite?”
“You gonna tell that Nazi Nurse Ratchet on me?” He jerked his head toward Cheryl.
“Are you gonna drop dead from half a slice of cake?” I countered.
“Nope.”
“Then I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship, Mr. Oskin. I visit once a week, unless I have a funeral, usually on Tuesday or Wednesday. I always bring cake for my clients. If there’s something you don’t like, just tell me. But I usually bring a selection.”
“You do this every week?” he asked, disbelief in his voice.
“What do you mean?”
“You eat like that every week? When you see other clients?” His eyes slid up and down the length of my body.
“I have a high metabolism.” I smiled. It really was a miracle I wasn’t as big as a house. But my sweet tooth was limited to sharing with clients. I had to give myself some sort of boundaries.
He grabbed the plastic fork I’d handed him and stabbed the slice of Meyer lemon cake with vanilla bean cream cheese frosting. His eyes closed, and when they opened, he said, “God bless you.” After a few more bites, he asked, “So, you’re gonna open up my box and poke me before they burn me, right?”
“Yes, sir, I’ll make sure you’re good and dead.”
“Spooky chick.” His tone was gruff, but his lip tipped up in the corner.
I saw it with pride. Disarmament, accomplished.
Bryce Oskin had ordered the Shake N Bake. I had permission from most of the mortuaries and crematories to open the casket and check the body. I mean, you could just tell when someone was dead. By the time I had my turn with the deceased, they were most likely already embalmed. But some of them chose not to be, or if they were, they hired me to come to their place of death and make damn sure there was no chance in hell they were coming back to life.
A while back, there was a highly publicized case in Southern California. A woman had been pronounced dead and taken to the hospital morgue. But when they opened the fridge for her to be transported to the funeral home, they saw obvious signs of a struggle. She’d been put in there alive.
Yikes.
I’d never been afraid of death, and, after my family died and the man I loved almost had, I embraced death in my own strange way. I made it my life’s work, I guess. While it took a lot to creep me out, that story gave me the heebie-jeebies something fierce. It was all over the news. Every staff member from the hospital to the morgue was investigated then sued or fired or both. And, of course, old people sitting in the common room of a rest home from the wee a.m. hours to beddy-bye time, saw that story six times in one day, minimum. I ended up receiving so many requests to make sure they weren’t breathing, I added the Shake N Bake to my website.


Teaser Quotes

#1 - With Tony, it seemed to take a lot to get me going. When Ahren walked into a room, I wanted to smother him with my vagina.

#2 - "It was a work of art, beautiful, as if carved by the masterful, dirty, filthy hands that knew exactly what a girl like me would want."

#3 - "We’re all gonna die, Cookie. Death is the devil you know. The better you live, the more you piss him off, and he just hates that. Right now, you’re lettin’ him get his way.”

#4 - So when I looked at him in the truck, I saw this man I’d loved for years. This time, instead of looking at him with the eyes of a silly girl, an awkward teen, a romantic young woman, or a grieving daughter…this time, I looked at him with the eyes of a woman in love. A woman who knew her heart, finally, and I knew, in that moment, nothing would ever part us again.

#5 - Now, seeing all of him, I fell a little more in love that day because, in my mind, he’d always been perfection. But no one is perfect, not in the real world. His fragility made him so in my eyes.
About Julie...

#6 - “Little pieces,” I whispered.
“Sorry?” he asked against my hair.
“Just when I think I can’t love you more, you give me another piece to add to my heart.”

#7 - “Love it when you talk to me about cement. It makes me think about your cock,” I said against his lips.

#8 - "I love you, Gen and you love me and I hope to God you have more of these skirts because I’m about to tear that fucker right off of your body.”

#9 - “I’ll share your smile, your laughter, your generosity, and your friendship, but I won’t share your body, and I won’t share your heart.”

#10 - “I’ve decided it’s worth the risk of losing you and having you for one day, than never having you at all.”



I found that 'Morbid' was a well rounded little bit of everything. Smart, sexy and funny - with a side of quirkiness and snark, I found myself laughing to the point of tears and then just outright tearing up at how much heart the story held.

Genevieve "Gen" has been dealt a crappy hand in the loss of loved ones department.  With the death of her Father, Mother and Gran all in one horrible moment, it brings her childhood crush and love, Ahren, back into her life.  Timing never seemed to be there thing and when Ahren admits he's loved Gen all this time as well, the two fall easily and quickly into a relationship that was always meant to be. 

As the two plan out the wheres, hows and whys of their relationship an accident tears them apart and sets Gen off on a mission to make the details that going into dealing with the loss of someone a little easier for those who've just lost someone or are planning for their own passing...she opens a business, becoming a professional mourner.  Insert the happy and sad tears and get ready for a lot of heart!  The people Gen helps are all in need of something so different.  There is an incident with a silk tapesty and a coffin and a running wailing start at the silk covered coffin that had me laughing so hard I was in tears.  There are relationships formed with people who want her at their funerals that are so warm and endearing you wonder how no one has thought of this before.  Gen doesn't just sign up to just fullfill a job, she invests her self in every aspect of what someone could need or want when going through the steps of planning for or after a loss.  She's smart, fun, sexy and so wonderfully snarky.

Eventually Ahren returns, and for him and Gen its an easy slip back into the love they shared even though both are hesitant that the powers that be may attempt to find ways to keep them apart. These two are cosmically meant to be.  They are so sweet and sexy together.  They have all they need in each other despite the great losses they have both suffered.  Even with the time apart they find and fight for their way back to each other.  It was so heartwarming watch them come together, to build a stronger bond, to give in to them being meant to be and watching Gen begin to heal and move forward in her own life with the people still with her.

Amongst the tender and fun moments, Gen is supported by her best friend, Rocky, and Rocky's mom Guava, and eventually Rocky's boyfriend, Cosmo. This book is filled with smartly written quirky characters that are really charming.   It will draw you in, it will make you want to call that person you haven't talked to in a long time just so you can say hi, it will make even the grinchiest of hearts - like me - want to tackle hug a stranger...okay that's going a bit far...but you get the point.

Julie is a Southern California native, a fan of a really good story (preferably romance with a happily ever after), really good pie (preferably pumpkin) and copious amounts of coffee (preferably Folgers).
She has always enjoyed writing and at one time thought she could be a singer songwriter...the 'writer' part is the one that stuck.
Julie is obsessed with pi...the equation (and the food). She's allergic to cats and cantaloupe and hates mushrooms...so if you ever want to give her a gift, those are out for sure.She currently lives with her own romance hero husband and two boys in Melbourne, Australia.

 

 





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