Ryan Kendall is broken. He understands pain. He knows the hand of violence and the ache of loss. He knows what it means to fail those who need you. Being broken doesn’t stop him wanting the one thing he can’t have; Finlay Tanner. Her smile is sweet and her future bright. She’s the girl he grew up with, the girl he loves, the girl he protects from the world, and from himself.
At nineteen, Ryan leaves to join the Australian Army. After years of training he becomes an elite SAS soldier and deploys to the Afghanistan war. His patrol undertakes the most dangerous missions a soldier can face. But no matter how far he runs, or how hard he fights, his need for Finlay won’t let go.
Returning home after six years, one look is all it takes to know he can’t live without her. But sometimes love isn’t enough to heal what hurts. Sometimes people like him can’t be fixed, and sometimes people like Finlay deserve more than what’s left.
This is a story about war and the cost of sacrifice. Where bonds are formed, and friendships found. Where those who are strong, fall hard. Where love is let go, heartache is born, and heroes are made. Where one man learns that the hardest fight of all, is the fight to save himself.
Later that morning after their
workout and shower, Jake fell asleep on the couch. Feeling at a loss with
nothing but time on his hands, Ryan wandered down the hall towards Fin’s room.
She was sitting at a little study nook in the corner, laptop open with one foot
resting on her chair. She was wearing a tank top and a little pair of shorts.
Leaning up against the doorframe, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from those
long, delectable legs.
As though sensing his presence,
she turned in her chair. He forced his eyes upwards, catching a sexy flush fill
her cheeks at his blatant perusal.
“Morning, Ryan.” She took off her
black framed reading glasses and tossed them on the desk.
“Morning, Fin,” he replied.
Against his better judgment, Ryan
pushed away from the door and walked farther into the room. Fin hadn’t changed
at all and neither had his desire for her. His heart kicked over when she met
his eyes. He knew everything he was feeling right now was written all over him,
but he couldn’t seem to shut it off.
Her eyelids fluttered closed and
she whispered, “Why now?”
Ryan took a deep breath. “I don’t
know,” he replied honestly.
He shouldn’t still be feeling
this way after so many years. Why was he doing this to her, and to himself? It was
better for everyone if he stayed away like he was supposed to.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have
come. I’ll go stay at the barracks.” He turned to leave.
“Ryan!” she called out.
Scrambling out of the chair, she grabbed his arm as he was halfway out the door.
“Fin,” he warned, looking down at
her hand pointedly.
She took a step closer and he
breathed her in, her scent like jasmine on a hot summer’s day. He was surprised
when he looked into her eyes and saw anger burning hotly in their depths.
“Six years, Ryan. Do you know how
hurt I was, each day passing by and getting nothing—not even a note or an
email? I didn’t just lose you. I lost my brother too. Both of you left me, and
I was okay with that. I understood that this was what you needed to do, so I
moved on. I built a life that doesn’t include you. That was what I had to do.” She paused and raised a
shaky hand to cup his cheek. “I’d have given you my entire heart if you’d only
asked, but it’s not yours now. It’s not yours.”
Ryan closed his eyes, agony for
losing what was never his rose in his chest until he felt strangled by it. He
placed his hand over hers, holding it there until she tugged it away.
“You’re right,” Fin told him.
“You should stay on the barracks … but I don’t want you to. Damn you, Ryan,”
she whispered fiercely. “I don’t want you to.”
Ryan used his bulk to crowd her against the wall until there
was no room for her to move. Leaning one hand against the wall, he grabbed her
hip with the other. Her breathing rose rapidly and he leaned in, ducking his
head until their mouths hovered a mere breath apart.
“Why can’t I force myself to
leave?” He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. “I hurt too.
For six years I fought every day not to think of you, and I lost, because every
day you were all I could see. You were the best thing in my life—so sweet and
innocent, and so goddamn tempting.” His hand strayed from her hip and slid down
to grip her ass. He swallowed the groan. “I stayed away so you could move on.”
I just don’t even know what to say about this book. I feel
like my words will not this amazing book justice. I loved every single page. I
was sucked in and on for the ride by page 2. I started messaging friends saying
they needed this book as soon as possible.
This is a story of love. The deep seated down in the depth
of your soul type of love. We follow this journey for Ryan and Finley. Ryan and
Finley’s brother, Jake are best friends from the 5th grade on. They
did everything together and Finley was always there. Ryan had a horrible
childhood and spent a lot of time at Jake and Finley’s house. To escape his
horrid family life, Ryan dreamed of joining the Australian Army and the SAS
division. Jake decided he couldn’t let Ryan do it alone and joined him. They
spent a few tours in Afghanistan leaving behind Finley.
Ryan and Finley had an amazing connection. Ryan loved her
before she was even allowed to date. And Finley loved him too but they never
did a thing about it. Ryan knew he was leaving and even his love for Finley
could stop him.
But a love like theirs couldn’t be left ignored. We watch
them explore this love during tragedy and wartime.
Ryan is amazing. A tad hard headed since he loved Fin for so
long and never did anything about it. But, “He
didn’t just love her, he fucking adored her. He’d give his life for her if he
had to.”
I seriously love Ryan. His words and love for Finley was
beyond imaginable.
“I have thick skin,
baby, he told her, his wide shoulders crowding her back against the cool tiles,
“but you’re under it. You’re buried in there so deep it’s like I was born with
you in my soul.”
Finley was awesome too. She was smart, beautiful, kind and
just as in love with Ryan as he was with her. She wanted to protect Ryan from
his demons but also love him through them.
I don’t want to give you much else because this is a book you need to read with no spoilers and
really just soak up every last amazing word.
Bravo Kate McCarthy! I don’t get many book hangovers but you
got me good on this one!!!
Kate McCarthy grew up in a small town outside of Port Macquarie, Australia. Raised in a house just a short walk to the beach, Kate enjoyed the peaceful, relaxed atmosphere and friendships that come from being raised in a friendly, small town area.
She now resides in Brisbane, Australia, a city in the state of Queensland where she works as an accountant, along with a sideline wedding cake business and her writing.
She is married with two children, has two dogs and house in the suburbs, and a pile of friends and family dotted all over the country that help keep her sane.
When she’s not busy running after naughty kids, filthy dogs, crunching numbers, piping buttercream and writing books, you can find her curled up in bed in the early hours of the morning reading new books and re-reading old favourites. Her favourite books are the Black Dagger Brotherhood series by J.R. Ward in which she longs to eventually join the brotherhood and change her name to Phierce Mutha.
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